“Proverbs Chapter Three, Verses Five and Six”
I recently got my registration date for Fall 2011 classes. Not too big of a deal. Except that it’s going to be my last fall undergraduate registration EVER. I’ve been making such a fuss that you’d think I just learned that I’m graduating tomorrow and then immediately shipping off to Neptune to begin my brand new life.
I’ve a bad habit of not taking or anticipating change very well. I’m so happy right where I am. It took me a couple of years to realize what a blessing it is to be at the school that was originally at the bottom of my list, but now I’m getting these incredible opportunities while surrounded by simply amazing people. The impending “lasts” are reminding me that it’s going to end, and that the “end” is zipping up on me much more quickly than I would prefer.
I sort of “cheated” in making friends upon coming to college. I’m at a big university, so I knew a number of people that were going to be coming here, though not very well then, and my friendships with them have grown amazingly. With grad school, it’s going to be a little different. I also probably won’t be going to grad school in my home state- which means moving even further away from home.
I’ll just stop there, because my mom reads my blog and I don’t want her to start crying. I don’t want me to start crying. Change is hard, and I think it’s because we think of all of the possibilities of what could be coming and we fear them.
There is an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters” which reads, “Your patient will, of course, have picked up the notion that he must submit with patience to the [Lord's] will… that he should accept with patience the tribulation which has actually been dealt out to him- the present anxiety and suspense… It is your business to see that the patient never thinks of the present fear as his appointed cross, but only the things he is afraid of.“
It can be a little confusing, since “Screwtape” (the speaker here) is a representative of the devil, so all of the suggestions are “backwards.” Let me break it down: Instead of recognizing that I need help with the fear that I’m facing about the unknown, I’m tempted to ask for help for things that haven’t even happened yet. There’s nothing wrong with praying that God would bless what comes and give me peace and strength, but I also need to be careful not to ignore what’s troubling me right now.
I, in my fear and apprehension, am 100% “the patient” right now.
Slow down, Marissa. He has promised, and He is good. It’s easy to rattle off “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,” but it’s harder to actually put your trust in Him. Thankfully, He helps His frail and struggling children to do just that.
One of my dad’s most favorite Bible verses comes from Proverbs 3. He used to say it every night after praying for our dinner, so my sister and I memorized it without even trying. It’s a good verse to know: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
My prayer is that I’ll hold on to the truths of God’s word, all established in His love. And hopefully, God will grow in me a peace and a joy, and any sorrow in a time of change will not be a sadness established in fear. Your will be done, Lord.
